


In Love and War

by tofutitan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartache, Love Triangles, Multi, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, the angstier the better, the slowest burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29155164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofutitan/pseuds/tofutitan
Summary: « The truth is hiding in your eyesAnd it's hanging on your tongueJust boiling in my bloodBut you think that I can't seeWhat kind of man that you areIf you're a man at allWell, I will figure this one outOn my own. »
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss & Ymir, Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Reader, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Reiner Braun & Reader, Reiner Braun/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first fanfiction that I write and I'm really excited about it. 
> 
> The initial relationship will be Reader with Reiner and it will develop wayyy later on into a sort of a love triangle lol. I love slow burn stories where the protagonists take their time because it just seems more natural. I also love angst so I think you'll find a lot of it in this work. I'll try to make it as close to canon as I can and not let Reader hijack and disturb the whole plot. 
> 
> One last thing: English isn't my native language so I apologize in advance if some sentences sound off. Feel free to leave constructive criticism because all I want is to get better. And let me know if you like what you're reading!  
> 

The splash of ice water on your face made you feel more awake. The sun had just gotten up but you were already late. You could already hear Madame Sandrine, her voice tinged with desolation, blaming you for your eternal lack of punctuality. “That's the only thing you lack,” she would say. You frowned and gathered your hair in a bun, took your bag and went down the stairs to the exit.

“What about your breakfast?” aunt Beata exclaimed when she saw you coming out.

“Later!” you wheezed without stopping, but not without letting go of your usual angelic smile. 

You were now out of the house and running towards the city center. _At least you'll be warmed up by the time you get there_ , you thought. The shopkeepers were preparing their stalls as usual. You were running through the various passages and alleys that made up your route.

“You’re late again!” the baker's boy chuckled.

You finally arrived in front of Madame Sandrine's class. Before entering, you stopped behind the door to catch your breath and saw your reflection in the glass. _I'm so red, there's no point in pretending_ , you thought and opened the door. The ten students were already at the barre doing pliés. They all turned to you. You walked quietly to your usual place, took your slippers from your bag and put them on. You kicked your bag behind the door.

“Sorry…” you whispered to Madame Sandrine from across the room, your face marked by embarrassment. All you got was a sorry smile in return.

“Well,” exclaimed Madame Sandrine, “now we're going to move on to the _ronds de jambes_. I'm sure the latecomer doesn't need to warm up. Left hand on the bar…"

Madame Sandrine's ballet class was the only dance class in the Shiganshina district. Your aunt had pushed you there five years ago so that you could socialize with children your own age. Or to socialize with people at all. You used to spend all your time reading in your room to quench your thirst for adventure. As you grew older, the district seemed smaller. You were suffocating here. And then these walls... they were so high. If only you could escape for a day…

The class was quite ordinary today. You stayed focused on your technique, fighting against your mental strength to try to carry your leg higher and higher while keeping your hip straighter and straighter. Madame Sandrine appreciated your jumps and didn't hesitate to make you pass in front of the rest of the students to set an example, but your pirouettes were still to be desired. “You'll have to strengthen that leg, otherwise you'll never have a good balance,” said the teacher, to correct you.

At the end of class, soaked by the effort, you went to Madame Sandrine to apologize to her as all your classmates headed for the exit. “I appreciate your intention,” said Madame, “but no matter what I say, it won't change. It's such a shame. You're just as talented as the rest of them. But in the end, what makes you different? What happens before class, and —” she was immediately interrupted by a resounding roar. Her face was marked with fright and both she and you ran to the front door. “Go home,” she exclaimed. “Hurry!”

You picked up your bag and on your way out of the dance studio, you witnessed a stunning scene of chaos. A sky of smoke hovered low over the city towards your neighborhood and the crowd was running around screaming.

A little girl grabbed your leg, you looked down and saw her fear-filled gaze landing on you. She was a student from the dance class. You knelt down in front of her.

“Giselle, it is your mommy who's coming to get you ?” you asked her. She nodded.

“Stay with me. Take my hand and don't let go, everything will be fine.”

_What to do? Wait here? What if the situation was really serious? What if his mother never arrived? What if something happened to Aunt Beata?_

Thumps were hitting regularly and you had the impression that they were getting closer and closer. You instinctively took little Giselle and started running as fast as you could despite the muscle fatigue. _One last little effort_ , you thought.

“A TITAN,” shouted a man whose clothes were stained with blood. “Run!”.

You suddenly stopped, immobilized by the old man's terrible news. You looked around you. The smoke was appearing over the buildings in the south of the district. The inhabitants were all running north. You decided to follow them. “We're going to take cover,” you gasped. “Your mommy will meet us there, little bird.”

Heavy and rapid footsteps were heard. It can't be... You let go of your bag, now too heavy, and you felt a twinge in your heart. My reason for living...

You heard a spine-chilling scream and you stopped again. You turned your head to see and there you witnessed for the first time, the enemy of humanity. A man, a giant man, holding a smaller man with only a few fingers. You pushed Giselle's head in the hollow of your neck. The titan brought the man to his mouth and without hesitation, crushed him against his teeth. The blood squirted all over the street and you saw a limb fall on the ground as his scream died down. 

Terrified but now aware of Giselle's tears, you continued on your way until a Garrison soldier took Giselle from your arms, put her on his shoulder and carried you with his free arm.

At that moment, you thought of Aunt Beata. Then you saw the apocalyptic horror all around you as the soldier ran through the crowd and you closed your eyes.

* * *

_You felt a hand pulling the strands out of your face and then resting on your bust._

_“Mommy…”_

_“It's just a bad dream, shhh…” whispered the woman as she stroked your hair._

_Her soft and warm voice warmed your heart and you opened your eyes to observe her face but a ray of sunlight came to dazzle you and blur your vision._

_“Shhh, close your eyes, little bird. Close your eyes and go back to sleep.”_

_“Mo-, mommy, stay with me…,” you moaned and squeezed her hand tightly on your chest before you went back to sleep._

* * *

You woke up with a start. Like every time you dreamt about mom. Your unconscious was so frustrated that you could never see her face.

Giselle was still clinging to you, obviously in a deep sleep. Her forehead was dripping and you wiped it off with the back of your sleeve and then put your hand on it to gauge her temperature. She was very feverish.

Around you were hundreds of people, children and adults, sitting on the floor. Half of them were sleeping, the other half were sobbing.

The young girl with blonde hair sitting next to you handed you a bottle of water.

“Here, for the little one,” she said. “You soak a cloth with it and put it on her forehead. Give her the rest to drink when she wakes up.”

Without knowing what to answer, you took the water and followed his instructions mechanically. As you held the cloth on Giselle’s forehead, you looked around you. A dark, damp place. You noticed that you were moving.

“We're in the river shuttle?” you finally asked the girl, who didn't look older than you.

“Yes, the Garrison soldier dropped you off here. You were already unconscious, both of you.”

“But it's almost dark…” You became alarmed “We should have been at Wall Maria by now. Where are we?”

“The shuttle has already stopped at Wall Maria, that's where I boarded. We're going to Wall Rose now.”

She glanced at the two boys next to her and continued, “there is no Wall Maria anymore.”

Your district, Shiganshina was devastated... You found that most of the children around you were without parents.

You took your courage in both hands and finally asked, “what happened to the others? Where is my aunt?” Tears came to your eyes but did not flow. The girl shrugged her shoulders and looked down. You remained mute until the end of the journey.

Everyone felt the shuttle come to a standstill and the crowd became agitated until a soldier from the Garrison demanded calm.

“No one will disembark before the children,” he barked. “The orphans first and then the children with parents. Then the old ladies and the old men, and then everyone else! Understood?”

Orphans first? Your eyes fell on Giselle. Is that what she is now? You stood up and tried to take Giselle in your arms, but you were at the end of your strength. You decided to wake her up before you were interrupted by the young boy sitting next to the girl, who turned out to be an imposing figure.

“Let me carry her,” he says, lifting her body without any difficulty. Then you walked towards the exit, standing next to the tall blond man, holding Giselle's little leg that you didn't want to let go of. The girl and the second boy were following you closely.

As you disembarked from the shuttle, a soldier put his arm in front of the boy to prevent him from advancing and sneered : “Damn, how old are you young man?”

“Thirteen.”

He was only a year older than you.

The guard raised an eyebrow, grumbled a few words before withdrawing his arm. “Take the left lane,” he ordered.

The big boy did so and you followed him, feeling the insistent look of the guard on your group. He didn't look happy to see all these strangers coming into Wall Rose.

There were many unaccompanied minors in the line. You leaned to the left to see what it was all about. It seemed to you that each child was given a piece of bread. Just a piece of bread. You heard a faint moan and then looked at Giselle who had just woken up. She seemed even tinier than she already was, perched in the boy's arms. You lifted your heels to reach her hair and caressed it tenderly.

“Giselle... I'm here, it's all right, you murmured.”

Her eyes opened more and more. She began to observe around her and examined the face of her bearer and turned towards you. You knew she would eventually ask that question. The one you couldn't answer. The one you've been avoiding thinking about since you woke up on the shuttle. You won't be able to just shrug your shoulders, like the blonde did.

“Where's my mommy?” she stammered.

The line was advancing little by little. You felt your throat tighten. You didn't want to give her any hope. But was there any hope left anyway? Giselle’s house was in your neighborhood, so close to the breach. If her mother had survived, she would have looked for her on the shuttle, like the others. She would have shouted her first name, like the others.

You thought of Aunt Beata. She would comfort you by telling you that your mommy was now with her mommy and daddy. “One day you will see them too. She is not sad. She's thinking about you,” she would say warmly.

“Your mommy…” you risked, “is with my mommy… they will be best friends now...” You pointed your finger to the sky and went on, “you see the brightest star? It's your mommy. She is warm and happy, she will always be above, watching you.”

Giselle raised her head to the sky while her eyes began to brim over with tears. The boy cast a defeated glance at you, and then at her and looked away.

* * *

For two years, you were all separated. An old nurse took Giselle that day, as well as all the youngest children. You never forgot Giselle's scream as she was taken to Wall Rose. It was decided that you were too young to take care of her but too old to be taken care of. Your only friend was a young soldier from the Garrison who was not very talkative but would bring you treats from time to time and a couple of orphaned kids from wall Maria. 

You stopped dancing and eventually found a seamstress in the Hermina district who offered you hospitality in exchange for your help in the workshop. She appreciated your nimble little fingers and your meticulous spirit.

You did not see the blond-haired girl, nor the big boy, or their third companion who had remained silent that day. But you knew their first names. Annie, Reiner and Bertolt.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun caressed your face while you watched the dozen of fish scattered in the river. You hummed lightheartedly as you picked up another handful of small stones and threw them one by one into the water. Watching the fish gather at the impact was amusing to you. They were hungry. Just like everyone else in the city.

You turned around when you heard hooves pounding the ground. The cart was approaching quickly and you finally recognized its driver. What a dork, you thought. He was wearing his Garrison uniform even though he wasn't working today. The horses stopped a few yards away from the river and the man jumped off the wagon, smiling broadly at you.

“You're late,” you chuckled.

“No. You’re the one who’s early.”

You suddenly thought of Madame Sandrine's reprimands and you smiled, distracted.

Mika sneaked a small package at you that you had the quick reflex to grab.

“Happy Birthday.”

“You’re more than late.” You said jokingly. Your birthday was two days ago but you knew he was out of town. You tore up the package and found a small box containing a raspberry tartlet. The way it looked, it certainly wasn't from the city, it was far too generous. You closed the box and thanked him cheerfully. He then got back on the cart.

“Are you ready?” You nodded, picked up your bag and threw it to him. He then grabbed your hand and pulled you aboard.

The drive south was only supposed to take a few hours, but you couldn't wait to get there. When you weren't busy eating your little tart, you bombarded Mika with questions of all kinds.

“What do they feed you at training camp? Do we have days off? Is the commander nice? If I join the Garrison, I could choose the place where I’d work? I'd like to work with you but I'd rather stay at Wall Sina, I’m sure you understand," you continued without pausing.

For a few months, you had been thinking about joining the Army. You no longer had any family or any possessions in your name. Mika seemed to have a nice life. He was always on the move and you envied him. Since Shiganshina's attack, not a day went by without you remembering how helpless you were against these monsters. Your weakness overwhelmed you. After having survived this horror, how not to want to fight it? You were decided. If those demons were to come back, this time you would be ready to face them. Mika had promised to take you to the training camp the day the admissions opened again and that day had finally arrived.

“We're not too far away, are you sure this is what you want?”

You giggled. “Why do you look so serious?”

He scowled and ruffled your hair. “Put your shoes back on.”

You were getting closer and closer to the training camp and you could now see wooded barrack in the middle of nowhere. Your felt your stomach tied in knots but it was too late to turn back. You always felt anxious about meeting new people even though Aunt Beata had pushed you so hard to open up to others. The last few years made you realize how right she was. You knew you couldn't survive alone, that you needed people you could count on. You also knew that you would have to try harder this time. You had only the seamstress and Mika back there. But the people you were going to meet now would probably follow you for the rest of your life. And then soon, the people in the walls would have to rely on you all. On your courage and strength. Even though there had been no attacks for two years, you knew that eternal peace was only an illusion.

You were now a few steps from the entrance to the main building and Mika pulled on the reins to stop the cart and stared at you.

“It will do you good to talk to people your own age, you'll see." He took a sip of water and continued, “And you'll probably meet people who have experienced the attack like you… You never mentioned it to me.”

You didn't want him to see you vulnerable so you turned your head. A boy ran up to Mika's horses and gave them water. You noticed several carts stopped nearby, some of which were occupied by families bidding farewell.

“Thanks for the ride!” You jumped out of the cart and he threw your bag in your arms.

“Don't forget, it will be hard, but it’s all in the head.” With the horse's thirst now quenched, Mika grabbed the reins and pulled on them sharply to get going. “See you soon, little soldier,” he shouted, and soon all you could see was the trail of dust he left behind.

* * *

“First name, last name and age,” the man mechanically asked each candidate presenting himself in front of him. You joined the short line formed in front of his desk. From what you could hear, it seemed that most of them were more or less your age.

Your turn came and you stammered the answer. _What an idiot_ , you thought.

“How old did you say you were?”

“Fourteen,” you repeated timidly. The bald man grumbled as he scratched his sheet of paper and your cheeks blushed.

“Good, you can enter the room behind me,” he pointed to the big door in his back. “We'll tell you what you need to know before dinner. Next!”

You walked to the door and opened it fearfully. The room was much larger than you expected. Many cadets were already in there and you were relieved that your entrance went unnoticed. Most of the cadets were chatty and the conversations were lively. Some were standing in small groups, others were already seated at tables. Large and long wooden tables were set up parallel to each other, with matching benches on either side. The paneled walls and the soft lighting made the atmosphere rather warm.

Some faces were set ablaze by the dawning light penetrating through the windows. You noticed a small girl of angelic beauty. Next to her, in the shadows, another girl, the very opposite of her, radiated something more mysterious. On the other side of the room, standing, a tall boy with a slender figure seemed to captivate his small group with a noisy chatter.

Sitting at the nearest table next to him, that's where you saw them. You couldn't believe your eyes. Two years after the attack, there they were. Reiner, the boy who had helped you carry Giselle, and his taciturn friend, Bertholdt. They were quietly chatting with another cadet with hamster cheeks. Suddenly a warm feeling consumed you and your heart was racing. You had never forgotten your brief encounter in the river shuttle. You always wondered what they had been doing for those two years. Today, Reiner looked even bigger than he did two years ago.

As you watched the two boys, a big-eyed girl stopped suddenly in front of you, interrupting your thoughts.

“Don't just stand there, join us!” She grabbed your arm and led you to the back of the room as you took one last look at Reiner. Absorbed by his conversation, he hadn't seen you yet. The girl sat down next to a short-haired boy and you sat down in front of her.

“My name is Sasha Blouse, this is Connie!” she exclaimed. You had never seen anyone as excited as she was.

“Springer. Connie Springer,” he added with a shy smile. You took turns introducing yourselves and the three of you got to know each other a little. Both came from Wall Rose. Connie was from a small rural village called Ragako and Sasha came from a hunting family in a mountain forest. And suddenly, it hit you. They had never seen a titan before. You quickly glanced at the cadets around you and some seemed more withdrawn than others. You couldn’t help but wonder who among them were at Shiganshina that day, or even at Wall Maria.

“And you, where are you from?” inquired Sasha. You feared that question.

“I am—”, you were interrupted by the heavy slamming of the door, which brought an icy silence to the room. You turned around and saw an impressively tall man standing in the door frame. He stepped forward into the middle of the room with all eyes fixed on him.

“Good evening to all,” he said. “I'm Commandant Shadis. Keith Shadis. I'll be overseeing your education for three years, at least for those who won't give up before then. As a matter of fact, some of you won't even be here with us tomorrow night." He paused, looked at the cadets and continued. "Training will start tomorrow at nine o'clock," he tapped his wrist, "but if you're not on time, you can go home. Lastly, you will find your uniforms in the dormitories.”

His gaze fell on the boys sitting in front of him. “If I catch one lurking in one of the girls' dormitories, he can go home, on foot. Eat well, sleep well and see you tomorrow.” He turned around abruptly and hurried out of the room.

The silence gradually turned into a din as dinner was served and a scream startled you.

“THERE'S SAUSAGE!" Saliva Sasha. “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE SAUSAGE ?”

You took a quick look at Connie, who was just as stunned as you were. Sasha started to stuff her face without realizing how much attention she had gotten.

You glanced at Reiner, who was sitting on the other side of the room, contemplative. He must have felt it, because he turned immediately to you and seemed seized. Embarrassed, you quickly looked away. Now that he had noticed you, you could feel your stomach getting knotted.

 _Damn it, he must be wondering why I'm acting weird_ , you thought. _This boy helped me. I should at least say hello_. You looked up and looked at him again. He hadn't moved and even seemed amused by your confusion. Finally, he smiled at you. And you smiled back at him.

“Aren't you going to eat your sausages?” Sasha asked. You finally looked away from Reiner.

“No, I'm not hungry tonight...” you slid your plate towards her. “Take them, otherwise they'll be spoiled.”

“ARE YOU AN ANGEL ?” she shouted. “THANK YOU INFINITELY, YOU ARE OF AN EXTRAORDINARY KINDNESS!” Her reaction amused you.

While Sasha was stuffing her face, you chatted with Connie who was making fun of Commandant Shadis. You wanted to take a last look at Reiner but he was gone. You scanned the dining hall to find him but noticed that it had emptied out little by little. You realized that curfew was only a few minutes away.

After Sasha finished her plates, you all left the room and went to the dormitories. They were divided into five cabins. To the left of the dining hall seemed to be the girls' cabins, and across from them, the boys’.

“Good night, girls,” Connie said before heading to the boys' dormitory. You and Sasha walked towards the girls' barracks. On the door of the first dormitory, a list of names was displayed.

“I saw your name on the other list,” said a familiar voice in your back as you were scanning the list. You turned and came face to face with Annie. She pulled a lock of hair behind her ear and snuffled.

“Annie!” you exclaimed. She shrugged her shoulders and opened the cabin door. “See you tomorrow,” she concluded before closing the door behind her.

“Huh, that was a bit weird. Do you know her?” Sasha asked.

“A little.”

Sasha shrugged and faced the list. “My name isn't on that list either,” she exclaimed, “we must be in the same dorm!”

You couldn't help but be reassured. Sasha was endearing. Weird, but endearing.

* * *

You had been trying to sleep for two hours, but you just couldn't. The temperature in the dormitory was cool and the silence was disturbed by some snoring. You were thinking about the trip to the camp that seemed like a lifetime ago now. Then the speech of Major Shadies. What did he mean by "some of you won't be with us tomorrow night"? You didn't expect an easy life here but you wondered how much you would bear it. Sasha and Connie did not know yet that you were from Shiganshina, you had managed to dodge the question several times. How would they even react? And how many others were there that day?

Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt were there. The day of the attack, the day you lost everything, the only comfort you could find was their act of kindness. When you regained consciousness on that boat, completely confused, they were there. Reiner was there. Already big and strong. The memory of his smile tonight at dinner comforted you and you found yourself grinning. Despite Annie's coldness, you were glad to see familiar faces. And who knew what she had been through?

You watched Sasha sleep on the mattress next to yours and felt optimistic for the first time in months. You realized that all the cadets probably felt the same way as you did. Some just hid it better than others. But you weren't alone. And Reiner was there, bigger and stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. I would have liked to post this earlier but life got in the way and I try to make the translation as good as possible because I initially write it in my native language so this extra step takes time.
> 
> Anyways, here's the second chapter of the story and I hope you like it! You can tell Reader is already obsessed with Reiner hahah, but she doesn't know realize this. 
> 
> See you in a few days!!


	3. Chapter 3

The cadets, tired from the excitement of the previous day, were standing in the cool and wet morning air. A few rows of about thirty cadets each stretched out in front of Commander Shadis. Yours was comprised of those who, like you, had endured hell at Shiganshina. Sasha had been surprised to see you lining with them. Of course, you had not told her yet where you came from. You had a hard time expressing anything that had something to do with the attack but you were relieved that she finally found out about it.

Right in front of you were the surviving cadets from Wall Maria, including Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt. The ranks of Shiganshina and Maria Wall were much less crowded than the front ranks. These were made up of the people from Wall Rose and Wall Sina and none of them had ever faced a titan.

Commander Shadis stood in front of each of them and did not hesitate to humiliate them. He probably wanted to eliminate the weakest ones, quickly. 

He stopped in front of a tall boy whose slender silhouette you recognized. He was yesterday's braggart.

“Who are you?” Shadis barked.

“Jean Kirschtein,” he said confidently as he gave the military salute, “from the Trost district!”

“What have you come to do here?

“To join the Military Police Brigade and live in the city.” 

Shadis paused before answering. “Oh really? You want to go live in the city?”

“Yes, I do!” Assured Jean proudly.

Shadis straight on bumped his head against his and Jean collapsed.

“Who told you to sit down? You're falling like a rag and you want to join the Military Police?”

This is the kind of scene you had been watching all morning. Only the survivors of Shiganshina and Wall Maria were somewhat spared. He probably felt that after witnessing these monsterous attacks, our choice to be here must have been carefully considered. 

Shadis was now holding Connie by the neck but stopped abruptly when something else caught his attention. Your body stiffened when you saw his gaze fall on Sasha. Her back was turned to you but it seemed like she was eating something. You couldn't believe your eyes. What was he going to do to her? 

He let go of Connie and stared at Sasha in amazement. 

“Hey, you... what are you doing?”

Sasha remained indifferent to the question and continued to eat. Amazed, Shadis walked in front of her and raged louder than ever, “Oh! I'm talking to you!”

She stood still before giving the military salute. “Sasha Braus from Dauper village, Southern District of Wall Rose!”

“Sasha Braus... what's in your right hand?”

“A sweet potato,” she hastened to say. “There was a hot one in the kitchen, so I took it!”

“What, you stole it? Why... why would you eat that potato?”

“Because once it gets cold, it's lost. I thought I should eat it now,” she said gravely.

Shadis remained perplexed. “No, I don't understand. Why would you eat this potato?”

Growing tension was overwhelming the cadets in the brigade. A tension that Sasha didn't seem to be affected by.

“You want to know why humans eat potatoes?”

Shadis remained silent until Sasha slowly handed him half her potato. What is she doing? 

“Sasha Braus…" he whispered and made a pause. “I want to see you run. I want to see you run until you die!” He stormed, pointing to the ground behind the barracks. “Now!”

“As for you morons, I hope you've stuffed yourselves well this morning! No lunch for you today!” He exclaimed before continuing, “I want to see all of you doing push-ups until I tell you to stop! Whoever stops first will be in charge of cleaning up the horse dung that hangs around until the end of their training!”

The cadets stayed there until the end of the afternoon. The commander asked them to perform a series of push-ups, pull-ups, and various sheathing exercises without showing any sign of weakness. The spectacle seemed to please Shadis, who continued his humiliating act towards each cadet he considered too weak. You were out of breath when a girl from Wall Rose completely gave up the effort, which was rewarded with the punishment announced by Shadis. The poor girl burst into tears before running off the training field. But you were relieved not to have succumbed first.

After she left, most of the cadets gradually eased off. Completely drained from the physical exertion that followed a short night, you stayed on the ground to observe the few cadets remaining standing. Some of them were training without any apparent effort. A raven-haired girl, who was sleeping in the same dormitory as yours, was undeniably standing out from the rest. You'd never seen a girl so tough. Hell, you had never seen anyone so tough and she was from Shiganshina too. Your eyes glided over the other cadets in your row. Next to her, a boy with an athletic body seemed to hold on only because of his determination. On her left, a boy with golden hair was, like you, laid down flat. He shyly smiled at you and you mechanically did the same.

In front of you were standing Reiner, Annie, Bertholdt and two other cadets from Wall Maria. All the others had already succumbed to the commander's torture. Reiner was encouraging Bertholdt, who was out of breath. You had never noticed before that Berthold was taller than him. It was probably because Reiner's larger musculature had interfered with your perception. 

However, it was Annie's strength that caught your attention. Like the girl from Shiganshina, Annie excelled. You were far from being the weakest, but you couldn't help but envy them. Of the few hundred cadets, they were the only two girls standing now. They would be an undeniable asset in the fight to save humanity and the idea of not being as useful as they were repulsed by you.

You tried to get back into the exercise but you collapsed immediately, completely out of breath. 

I'll never make it, you thought. You got up, not without difficulty, this time to get back to your dormitory in a hurry. The sun was about to set over the camp and Sasha was still running in front of the barracks. Even Sasha is still running... What the hell am I doing here? You frowned and entered the dormitory ignoring the girls already inside to wash up before dinner. 

* * *

The dining hall began to fill up around you as you were absently stirring up the soup in your bowl with a spoon. Memories of your past life were rushing through your head and a feeling of nostalgia gripped your heart. Since the Shiganshina attack, everything seemed lost to you. The only thing that allowed you to survive was the desire to be useful in the reconquest of the Wall Maria. In the reconquest of the world. After all, you were one of the best students in Madame Sandrine's class and she often praised your perseverance in the face of hardship. But today you were disappointed. What was I thinking? You thought. You wiped the few tears that broke free with your sleeve.  
“I think I'll sit with you for dinner every night if this means I get to eat your food.” Reiner stood at your table, his face lit by a broad smile, a bowl of soup in his hand. “The portions are rather small…” he added as he sat down in front of you. 

Caught off guard, your eyes barely dry, you straightened up nervously. You couldn’t say anything because of how heavy your heart felt. And this unexpected encounter didn’t help.

Faced with your silence, he continued, “if you had eaten dinner yesterday, you would have lasted longer.” He swallowed a spoonful of soup. “Sasha is still running, probably because she got to eat your sausages.”

You frowned. You hadn't eaten dinner yesterday and this morning’s breakfast was not enough to compensate. You brought the bowl to your lips and drank the cooled soup in one go. 

Reiner stood there for a moment, stunned, and handed you a piece of bread. “To get your strength back.”

You didn't have the energy to oppose anyone anymore so you took the bread from his hands. “Thank you.”

You watched him drink his soup while your heart finally slowed down. A little further from your table, you saw Annie, sitting alone.

“What did Annie do before she joined the Training Corps?” You asked in a forced nonchalant tone.

“Ah, Annie…” He glanced at her at the other side of the room and shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know, I wasn't with her.”

“I just... I thought you guys had been together the whole time. With Bertholdt.”

“Bertholdt and I, yes. Annie went her way.” He finished his soup and smiled. “Actually, she disappeared right after you did.”

“She's stronger than she looks,” you said while looking at Annie's gloomy expression. 

He chuckled as he stared at you with the intensity of someone trying to read your mind.

You lowered your head and stared at the bread crumbs scattered on the table, thinking of a way to avoid an awkward silence. “I didn't expect so many cadets.” You said as you unconsciously moved the crumbs with your fingers. “You'd think that the attack two years ago would have deterred many of us…”

“Well, I really didn't expect to find _you_ here.”

You raised your head towards him, your eyes wrinkled by confusion.

He laughed softly. “I'm kidding! Are you always like this?”

“Huh? Like what?”

“Like that, sullen.” He retorted, putting his elbow on the table and his head in his hand. “Ouch!” He straightened up immediately, writhing in pain. His elbow had landed straight in a stack of bread crumbs.  
  
You wanted to hold back, but you burst out laughing almost immediately. You could finally feel the pressure easing off. 

“Can we sit here?” Someone said in a calm voice.

You looked up and saw the little blond boy from Shiganshina, with the girl whose strength had amazed you. Her gray eyes, sparkling with melancholy, fell on yours. “Yes, of course,” you said.

“You come from Shiganshina…” said the boy. “I was sure I had seen you in town!”

You raised your eyebrows and nodded. 

“Uh... my name is Armin.” He sat down next to you and added, “that's Mikasa.”

Mikasa smiled shyly. You couldn't take your eyes off her until Bertholdt joined you. As the three newcomers began to eat, a silence fell. The surrounding conversations became audible.

“What are the titans like?” Asked Connie.

“Have you really seen the colossal titan?” Inquired another.

Mikasa, with her head down, adjusted her red scarf that was falling down. She seemed to be listening to the conversation, too. You scanned the dining hall and realized that everyone was listening carefully. A group of cadets had huddled around one of them.

“It's Eren,” Mikasa told you in a soft voice in response to your curiosity. She was still holding a bit of her scarf with a firm hand. “We come from Shiganshina too,” she added. She looked withdraw, like a few other cadets. The others showed an unbearable curiosity that made you wince.

You suddenly remembered Sasha's face when she heard that you came from Shiganshina and you realized that she still hadn't come to eat. “Sasha... Has anyone seen her?”

“The potato girl?” Asked Reiner.

“Shadis has deprived her of dinner,” Armin said.

“She probably went to bed... I think I'll go too.” You got up and gave them a faint smile. “See you tomorrow,” you said to the group as you threw a last glance at Reiner who seemed confused.

It was already dark when you left the dining hall to go to your dormitory. Sasha, alone, already seemed to be asleep. You finally climbed into bed beside her, trying to make as little noise as possible. Your bag was next to the pillow, still full. All your cherished possessions had been abandoned in Shiganshina and you had nothing of value left. The seamstress for whom you worked after the attack had given you a piece of clothing before you left. A dress, made with her own hands to thank you. At the time, you were surprised by the gift. What were you going to do with a dress in the army? “You like to dance, that's the only thing I know about you. You might need it someday... who knows?” She explained in response to your disconcerted look.

The first day in the Training Corps left you with more doubts than you ever had before. Soothed by the loneliness, the demons inside your head started making noise and your eyes filled with tears. You wanted your mom to chase them away. The vague memories you had of her face were fighting for the space in your mind. And eventually you fell asleep, to the sweet harmonies your mother was singing in your soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The translation took me longer than I expected this time but here it is, finally! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and let me know what you think in the comment section! Thank you for reading <3


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